Author Archives: Joe Futrelle

Crisis at the Champaign County Nursing Home

THE CHAMPAIGN COUNTY NURSING HOME needs ten more nurses. According to nursing home administrator Andrew Buffenbarger, that’s what it would it would take to meet the home’s need for 30 nurses without resorting to high-priced, high-turnover contract nurses. Along with … Continue reading

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1 February 2002 by Joe Futrelle At PDX people cluster around omnipresent TV’s, and longish bursts of static can be heard, or maybe it’s applause. CNN is carrying W’s SOU live, and congress keeps dutifully leaping to its feet and … Continue reading

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Pretzel, Pretzel…

15 January 2002 pretzel, pretzel, in my throat, who’s the leader who can gloat? who can watch a football game when all around the world’s aflame? hey, that rhymed, I’m pretty clever I bet that I could do another I’m … Continue reading

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Newspoetry: Sending Signals

12 December 2001 Sending Signals Suicide bombers “express their frustration” Missiles “send signals” If enough of these messages are exchanged, no one will be alive to hear them [a tip of the hat to Clint Popetz]

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Stock Tips

19 September 2001 Let me get this straight: you lay us off, then you want us all out of patriotism to buy the damn stocks even you won’t touch. What money should we spend on these stocks, our tax refunds? … Continue reading

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500,000 Drivers Talking on Cell Phones; Poets Implicated

An NHTSA study found that at any given moment in time, there are 500,000 U.S. drivers talking on cell phones. This works out to roughly 2 out of 10 doctors. A related study found that at any given time, there … Continue reading

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A Newspoet’s New Year’s Resolution

by Joe Futrelle This year, I resolve to write a poem a day about the news or at least about bison. I resolve to read the damn newspaper, including the sports section and the bridge column and monitor the lottery … Continue reading

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